Just Be You
by Castielchester
Summary: The Novak's move into a small town in Kansas after a lengthy custody battle in which Lucifer and Michael gain custody of their youngest autistic brother Castiel Novak. Now the five brothers must learn to start over. Series of short stories about their life. Eventual Destiel. Most chapters can stand alone. Strong Language
1. Autistic Cas: Part 1

**A/N: This is an autistic!Castiel fanfiction, I just wanted to see how it would work out if I uploaded it. I don't have autism but I've done a lot of research and actually got it reviewed by a couple people on the spectrum so I'm hoping to be as sensitive as possible. I was inspired by the numerous Autistic!Castiel fics on AO3 and such. Castiel is mostly nonverbal in this aside from a bit of echolalia I think.**

 **I'm also obsessed with Good Big Brother!Lucifer / Michael / Gabriel / Balthazar so that's going to be a big part. Like I love protective Lucifer and Michael so much.**

 **Okay I'm going to stop rambling.**

 **Eventual Destiel (Dean x Castiel).**

 **Let me know what you think**

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They make it to the large bookstore in record time, Kansas sun high in the sky beating down waves of heat to its occupants. By the time Michael parked his 2013 Chevrolet Impala the heat had settled around the brothers and left them sweaty and yearning for the coolness of the store. "Okay _kiddos_ " Michael casts an amused smirk to his brothers, watching as Lucifer croons to Castiel as he unhooks his seatbelt, "Lucifer and I are going to head across the street to the super store to pick out school supplies, so I want us to meet in the bookstore lounge around 3 O'clock" his gaze falls sternly on Gabriel and Balthazar, "Watch Castiel, make sure he doesn't wander off anywhere, don't take your eyes off of him, if something happens call me, don't let him talk to any strang-" he doesn't realize he's babbling until Gabriel hushes him, "We _know_ Mike, we're not going to let anything happen to him, we promise." They all look to Castiel whose head is bowed, staring intently at his feet and hands are flapping. "Alright bud, let's go" Gabriel lets his hand hover over Castiel's back, waiting for a protest if he didn't want to part with Michael or Lucifer, but it didn't come and he slowly followed Gabriel and Balthazar who protectively stand on either side of him.

-x-

Gabriel looked around with a smirk on his face, he had to hand it to the hick town, it was an extravagant bookstore, and despite being over an hour out of the way it seemed a reasonable price to be able to watch Castiel amble around each aisle with a small smile on his face. The golden-hair boy vaguely remembers when that smile use to bother him, it was far-away, like his eyes, and it frightened him. But as they aged, as _Castiel_ aged, they both grew brighter, almost knowing. He continued to watch his little brother pull out a book, skim the back, shuffle through pages and then set it back with a dissatisfied huff. "Excuse me? Are you new?" He turns around to see who the voice belonged to, a young girl, his age, with long blonde hair, he pulled on a flirtatious smirk, "I'm whatever you want me to be"

Castiel continued on, in his own world, swirling with letters and book covers. The lights are a tad too bright and the noises a tad too grating but he enjoyed the feel of the paperbound pages and scrape of the turning, he looked up and down the shelf spying one just out of his reach that seemed to catch his attention; jumping on his toes he reaches his hand up to grab it, letting out low whimpers of resignation. Suddenly another hand reaches up, grabs the book effortlessly and holds it out to him, Castiel is stunned a moment, looking over at the boy from his head to his toes and then back to staring just beyond him. He looked to be Castiel's age, hair a floppy brown and lanky in stature, "Here you go man" he grins and holds the book out waiting for Castiel to take it hesitantly, "I'm Sam Winchester"

"Sam Winchester" Castiel whispers back, nodding his head a bit, instinctively wriggling his free fingers, the boy waits with a smile, "Yep that's me." Castiel twitched his lip a tad, "Thank you Sam Winchester" his voice is low and he drags out some of the syllables but Sam just nods and smiles, as if knowingly, "What's your name?" Castiel takes a moment, pressing his lips in a thin line and then looking down to the floor, "C-Castiel" the boy doesn't seem taken aback by the name, just says something about it being cool. "This book is my favorite, have you ever read it before?" He points towards the book Castiel is now clutching hard, A Farewell to Arms, Castiel nods deeming him trustworthy before smiling a tad and taking in a huff of a breath before continuing but before he could Gabriel is rushing forward, searching Castiel for wounds and looking at Sam apprehensively, "Cassie! What did I tell you about walking off like that? Are you okay? Who is this? Lucifer would kill me if something happened to you!" He deemed Castiel uninjured and looked over at Sam apprehensively, "Who are you?" Sam's eyes were wide with shock but he shook his head a tad, "Castiel, h-he couldn't reach the book so I got it for him and we were talking…" He scratched the back of his head, mumbling a little.

Gabriel looked down at Castiel who just looked annoyed with being interrupted, "Did he say anything to you? The bad words?" Gabriel kneels down looking up at Castiel who is looking at the floor intensively, stopping only to shake his head, "C'mon let's go" Gabriel doesn't think, just grabs Castiel arm and tries to pull him away but Castiel cries out like he's been hurt and whines, jerking around trying to get him to unlatch, which he does quickly, "Shit I'm sorry Cassie I forgot I didn't mean, no don't cry we can stay" He's waving his hands in front of Castiel aimlessly only stopping when the kid behind him speaks up, "Castiel and I can go read some books in the lounge, you can come if you want also" Gabriel stops, straightening himself up and looking at Sam with a raised eyebrow, "I don't know about that-" Castiel stops his sniffing and moves forward like he wants to follow this kid he just met, "Cassie...is that okay with you? Do you want to do that?" Gabriel asks in gentle tone as to not startle his already sensitive brother, there's a look of apprehension but then he nods, Gabriel nods, because this is more interaction he's seen in his brother in a while so he follows behind them, still on alert.

Two hours past with Gabriel beaming while Castiel and Sam skimmed over the books they picked out, Castiel sat rigidly in his chair while Sam sat as close as he would allow and read silently. Gabriel looked up just as Lucifer, Michael and Balthazar began to convene in, he quickly got up from his seat and ran over to them stopping them and pointing back at their brother, " _Look_ , look guys" he practically gushed, letting them watch as Castiel pointed to a picture in an open book and Sam spew out what he knew, seemingly unperturbed by the fast jiggling of Castiel leg, the noises he made here and there and flapping of his hands; he continued on like nothing was out of the ordinary.

"They've been at this for hours, just reading and listening" he informs them, watching as Michael's face heightens in gratitude but not missing the fear in Lucifer's, "I don't know Gabe...he could be joking just to get him vulnerable" he says, reminding them all of the time a young boy had pretended to befriend Castiel, gain his trust, only to use that trust to humiliate and demean him. Gabriel's moods falls a tad, "I don't know Luce, he just seems different," Michael decides he will look for himself and they all quickly follow sitting down at the table, Sam and Castiel don't look up for a moment, but when they do Castiel makes a happy noise, holding his palm out to Lucifer as Sam looks a little frightened by the ambush. "Sam, these are my brothers" Gabriel explains pointing, "Michael, Lucifer, and Balthazar" smiling as Lucifer kneels down beside Castiel brushing his palm with the tips of his fingers and then asking about their book. Sam waves shyly, "Hello!" He looks at Castiel with a warm smile, "You didn't tell me you had such a big family" he's smiling and there's no malice, leaving Castiel to let out a small chuckle. "Sam, are you a Lawrence native?" Michael asks cocking his head in a way that is entirely Castiel, Sam smiles again and nods, "Yep! It's me, my brother, my father and mother. My uncle owns the salvage yard and my father works as the sheriff" he continues to ramble on, as Castiel becomes fidgety and restless. They continue to talk until a loud voice booms over them, to Castiel its unnerving, gruff but with an underlying softness, like drowned velvet, it confused him.

" _Come on man, don't be such a retard"_

The word cuts through Castiel like a million shards of glass, he knows the connotation that word holds, knows that people direct it towards him to make him upset, his father had for years. And suddenly everything is too much, he lets out a low whimper and places his hands over his ears, rocking forward, the lights are bleached, blinding him, the noises, that _voice,_ is deafening, booming. It all was too much. The smell was no longer comforting, it was stagnant and stale, a hand on his shoulder makes him jump, it's rough, too rough. He just wanted it to stop. To just stop. "Cassie, Castiel, it's okay" in and out, in and out, like an ocean the voice was high and low and muffled with water.

Gabriel looks up to see who was making the commotion while Lucifer tries to calm Castiel; he sees a boy come forward, walking along with another, rougher looking male. The boy was medium sized, taller than him, with dirty blonde hair, contrasting the smattering of freckles across his dense cheekbones. Gabriel didn't like him immediately, heightened further by the use of the word that caused Castiel so much distress. "Who the _fuck_ is that?" Gabriel huffed doing a double take as the boy stopped near their table, "Yo! Sammy! What are you doing?" He's entirely too loud, too confident for this bookstore, staring at the Novak's curiously, "Finally making friends?" Sam's cheeks are so red Gabriel would have found it amusing given other circumstances but now he was shaking with rage as he could hear Lucifer losing the comfort battle with Castiel, who was rocking a little harder now, ears clamped by his hands.

"Dean! Show some respect" Sam hisses standing, looking worriedly at Castiel and then angrily to his brother. "Dean, these are the Novak's, they're new here and they _don't_ need to be bombarded by you this early on." He clenches his fists looking at Lucifer worriedly, "I'm sorry Castiel" he whispers out and then looks to his brother, "You're so disrespect-" He starts but Michael stops him, "It's okay Sam, he didn't know. He just startled Castiel, he'll be okay" Dean seems aware of the mess he's caused now, slouching and looking at Castiel with more curiosity, "S-Sorry man, I didn't mean to be so loud" he scratches at his neck and Gabriel feels more anger swell within him, _pity,_ this kid is throwing _pity_ at them.

"It'd all be okay if you grew up and were more cognizant of how affective your words are; maybe pay more attention in school bucko and you could pick up a vocabulary that would boost your obvious third grade level" he snaps, watching as Dean's eyes widen and he shrinks back, "I-I didn't know he was-" he's gesturing toward Castiel, and suddenly Michael shoots up, hyper-aware of his twin as Lucifer snarls and lunges toward Dean, "Know he was _what_ you son of a bitch?" Michael grabs him back just in time and hisses, "Luce _don't_ you just got off probation he's not worth it" that's not what stops him though, the shrill shriek of Castiel does, it makes the store seem to freeze, Sam stumbles back, taken aback by his quiet friends new demeanor, watching as Lucifer runs forward, trying to placate him, "It's okay Cassie, _shh,_ it's okay" he coos feeling his anger bubble back up as people stop to watch.

A typical human behavior, something, _someone_ , different, and they must stop and stare, watch as he rocks back and forth, seemingly curling into himself as to disappear. "What're you looking at?" Gabriel roars to the people, startling them into moving again. Time speeds up again, Sam apologizing profusely as Lucifer coaxes Castiel out to the car with promises of anything he wants if he could _just settle down._ Michael is grabbing at Gabriel, sending Balthazar out to monitor Lucifer; "We're sorry about that Sam, thank you for being so kind to Castiel" Michael looks at the boy who is almost his height despite his age, Sam nods determinedly and pushes a piece of paper in Michael's hand, "Can you give this to him? It's my number...tell him if he needs to talk...or wants to...I would love to…I'm so sorry about everything" he babbles but Michael stops him with a small smile and clutches the piece of paper, holds it like it's Castiel's sanity and it should be cherished, "Don't apologize Sam, we appreciate what you did, thank you, we really must go now though. Thank you again" he nods and they head out toward the car.


	2. Autistic Cas: Part 2

**A/N: I don't know if I'm going to keep this, I think I'm going to delete it because I'm not feeling good about it. Let me know if you think it should stay**

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Two days before school started the Novak's found themselves listless with apprehension and fear, Castiel, not one to pick up on their moods, could even feel it, becoming irritable and fidgety. Michael and Lucifer found themselves in their regular spot of cooking dinner, working flawlessly together battering chicken and chopping up vegetables. Gabriel and Balthazar sat in the living room watching Dr. Sexy and arguing over the remote, Balthazar let his voice drop low as he asked, "Do you think Cassie is acting different lately? He's quiet and upset a lot...I'm worried about-" he's soon cut off by a knock on the door, the brothers looking at each other, their childish ways getting the best of them and running, tumbling over each other to answer it, "Guys, guys come on! Such children" Michael complains with no real malice, a smile planted on his face.

Gabriel makes his way first and opens it, surprised to see Sam Winchester on the other side. "Oh, uh, hey kiddo!" He smiles a tad but quickly let it sink as Dean moves out from behind him, "What are you doing here?" he spits. Dean shuffles a bit, kicking a pebble, "Well I Just-I wanted to apologize man…" Michael walks out, wiping his hand on a towel, "Gabe don't keep the door open it's sweltering, let them inside" he says nonchalantly, rolling his eyes as Gabriel grumbles and ushers them inside. Sam and Dean stand in the doorway until they're lead to the living room, "Can I get you two something to dr-" a snarl, "What the hell is _he_ doing here?" Lucifer is eyeing Dean dangerously and then to Michael, "Luce, he wants to apologize, _okay?_ Just calm down" the black haired man says watching Lucifer sulk away. "Yeah...I just… I wanted to apologize really, I didn't mean anything. I'm so stupid sometimes…" Dean mutters looking around at the small but homely house. "That's really kind of you Dean, I appreciate it" Michael nods watching Gabriel rile up, "He's not the one you should be apologizing to though, you _dick"_ Michael's eyes narrow dangerously and he speaks with authority, "Gabriel Sebastian Novak, watch it." Dean almost trembles at the power the voice holds, wondering how this man, seemingly only just a few years older than he, held such parental-like vigor. "You're not my father" Gabriel grumbled, folding his arms and walks away. Michael watches him with a look in his eye but then drops it, sighing loudly, placing the hand towel down. "You'll have to excuse us boys… we've been a bit on edge, it's really stressful for all of us and it's showing" Sam and Dean nod knowingly.

"It's okay Michael, he's right though, I should apologize to, C- _Casteel_ -Caste-Cas" Dean struggles and settles on the nickname with a nod, leaving Michael to chuckle. "Yeah, that might not be the best… well… who am I to isolate him?" He's seemingly talking to himself but he gestures to Dean, "Come, this way, I think he's in his room" They both head up the stairs as Balthazar chats with Sam. Michael stops at a door and raps softly, "Castiel? Are you okay? Someone is here to see you" Dean notices as Michael's voice takes on a soothing, hesitant like stance. It's silent for a moment so Michael advances anyway, opening the door, Dean looks into the youngest Novak's room. Its dim, filled with more natural light than artificial, the walls and ceiling were a soft cream color, nothing on the walls except for an elongated canvas that held a large painting of angel wings. It was spotless, everything seemingly ordered and put in the perfect spot, up to the twin bed that held a large dark blue comforter that looked heavier than any blanket he'd ever seen. He finally spotted Castiel on a small stool near the window, he is covered mostly by a canvas in front of him, his arms moving in quick jerky movements across it, Michael turns to Dean and whispers, "He likes to paint." Michael walks forward, "Hey Cas" his voice is slow and he walks like he's going toward a frightened animal, "Dean is here, he wants to, can you set down the brush real fast, to apologize" after a few more moment of coaxing Castiel moves aside, shrugging off his stool and moving toward Dean but stopping before he was too close, staring at his feet.

Dean finds his mouth tugging in a smile looking at the boy, he is _adorable._ His hair is sticking up in every direction, like he's drug his fingers through it one too many times, his white shirt was covered in paint smudges and hand marks. There's a small smudge of red paint across his cheek too. "Hey man, Cas, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for making you so upset the other day. I was being so dumb, and I just really hope you can forgive me" Dean isn't use to this whole, chick-flick moment kind of thing so he stumbles over his words, but Michael looks pleased and that makes Dean smile back at Castiel who, for all he knows, is ignoring him for a piece of dust on the floor. "Do you want to say anything Cassie?" Michael asks after a few moments of Castiel wiggling his fingers, the raven haired boy simply looks up and past Dean, nodding curtly, then moves back to hiding behind his canvas.

Michael sighs, drooping his shoulders as he leads Dean out, "Wait so am I forgiven or is he giving me the silent treatment?" they walk down the stairs, "He's been giving us all the silent treatment…" Michael sighs, "It's not your fault Dean. Castiel is having a hard time" He throws him a weak smile. They stop though when they hear a small noise, turning to see Castiel at the top of the stairs, looking a little frightened, "Yeah Cas?" Dean looks a little scared, like maybe Castiel is going to lunge out and attack him, the thought of which makes Michael chuckle, because Castiel couldn't hurt a fly. Castiel motions and walks back to his room, leaving Dean there dumbfounded, "S-Should I go?" Michael nods eagerly watching Dean follow.

Dean can't lie, he's a little apprehensive, he doesn't want to upset Castiel anymore than he's already have, like maybe somehow he'll screw this up and have to face Lucifer's wrath. He enters the room and stands a bit behind Castiel and his canvas, his eyebrows fly up and mouth open in surprise, the painting is long strokes of colors, the most color being a vivacious green. Like his eyes. It's a man, presumably him, in a defensive position, a gun held in his hands. He wears a heavy army green jacket and sports gnashes on his cheek like he's part of some post-apocalyptic battle. Everything is perfect, right down to his minuscule freckles and micro-emotions. Its breathtaking. "Is-is that..." he trails off looking toward Castiel who has his head bowed in what looks like embarrassment, like Dean had just spit at his feet and laughed. "Cas, man, Cas that's-it's- _perfect"_ he slurs out in amazement, looking in awe, "It's beautiful, how did you-just- _how?"_

Castiel seems to pick up that Dean is not mad and he perks up, a small smile tugging his lips as he taps his fingers against his chest nervously, nodding toward Dean. Dean can see his lips are slightly pursed, like he wants to speak, but something is holding him back, his brows are furrowed in apprehension. Dean takes this moment of silence to look Castiel over now that he's closer; Castiel is shorter than he, and smaller in weight as well, Dean notes with raised eyebrows, the boy is skinnier than normal. His eyes, when actually trained on him, are a deep ocean blue, a shocking azure that threaten to take him under; laced with the color though is a sadness that Dean can't quite place, it's a silent, far-away sadness, like maybe Castiel isn't in their reality. His hair is a fluffy, dark black, it's thick and stands up in places just right.

Dean is suddenly drawn from his examination by Lucifer walking in the room and announcing dinner will be finished and Castiel should clean up before turning to Dean, "Michael would like for you to join us for dinner, apparently someone in this house likes you," Lucifer says with a small intimidating smile. Dean nods, never one to refuse free food, "That would be great thanks" he turns toward Castiel who is brushing his fingers over Lucifer's, "And Cas? Thanks for showing me your painting, it's amazing, I am honored" he smiles toward the youngest Novak who looks down and _is that a blush?_ Lucifer looks at Castiel and then Dean with raised eyebrows, then turning to focus on the painting with shock. He takes a moment to recuperate and turns toward his little brother, "Alright Cassie, carry on. Follow me Dean" Lucifer ushers him out as Castiel begins to clean up and change.

-x-

At the dinner table, when it was carefully noted that _Dean that is Castiel's chair please god do_ not _sit there,_ the Winchester's and Novak's made idle chat.

Dean watches as Castiel layers gravy on his mashed potatoes, ignoring the bunch as they chat albeit they try to include him. Dean wonders if this is normal, if this bothers the Novak's, that their little brother is seemingly in another world most of the time. Dean wonders where the parents are, why the brothers have to raise him and perhaps Dean should have thought it was sensitive since they weren't here but it spewed from his god forsaken lips before he even had a chance to realize that.

"Do you guys have parents?" He wanted to slap himself because, _duh,_ everyone has parents' dumbass, but the whole room seems to tense and Dean couldn't fathom moving a muscle. After what seems like forever Michael speaks up with a very forced smile, "It wasn't in…" his gaze darts from Castiel, who has tensed and looks at his fidgeting fingers in his lap, " _Our_ best interest to stay with our mother and father. They were not… _equip_ to handle… _our_ situation" the words are all forced and stumble over each other, so unlike Michael's typical finesse. Dean nods, he's talking about Castiel, they all know, even Castiel, which makes it worse. Gabriel reaches over to Castiel touching his shoulder, trying to snap him from the trance he's in, whispering, "Are you okay Cassie?" The response he receives throws him off, Castiel pushing his hand away with an angry grunt; azure eyes brimming with all the emotions flowing through him at the moment. Dean watches with wonder as Castiel's body ripples with tension and uneasy sadness. Michael stands, holding his hands out to seem nonthreatening, but before he can even start to quell the boy his fists are flying out, knocking into his glass of water and letting it shatter to the ground, letting out a mournful keen and fisting his hands through his hair, tugging slightly.

Dean feels his body flood with shame and avoids Gabriel and Lucifer's hateful glares. He'd done it again, upset Castiel because he was too stupid to keep his mouth shut. He watches Michael guiltily guide Castiel away before Sam is clearing his throat and apologizing, _again. That's it,_ Dean thinks, _he's never going to want to see me again._


	3. Autistic Cas: Part 3

**A/N: The idea for and why Quiet Hands is so bad came from here /1Rlt7pz**

 **Implied/Referenced Past Child Abuse (very minimal, you might not even pick up on it.)**

 **Leave reviews and let me know if you want more!**

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Monday morning comes too quickly, coaxing the brothers up and out of bed around 6am. Michael is cooking breakfast next to Lucifer as usual.

Balthazar, ever the early riser, makes his way to Castiel's room with apprehension; their younger brother seemed to be more on edge than usual after his meltdown during dinner. "Cassie?" his voice is soothing, and he only turns the dimming notch to two, lest they want the lights to panic him. The youngest Novak is curled up under his weighted blanket, only his hair sticking out against the pillow, his arms wrapped around the small stuffed bee plush he was attached to. It takes only a couple more tries until Castiel is leaning up, looking bedraggled and a little grumpy, Balthazar chuckles a tad, "It's a bastardly time, I know, but Mikey's making breakfast," Castiel nods and walks to where Lucifer had laid his clothes out. After he's washed up and brushed his teeth, Balthazar and him make their way to the kitchen, Castiel sitting down quietly and sipping his milk.

Michael and Balthazar peer at each other, leaving the younger of the two to shrug, he could not decipher Castiel's emotions this morning. Lucifer walks over and sets a plate in front of Castiel, "Here you go bud, how you feeling?" his voice is softer than silk when he speaks to the boy. Their apprehension is heightened when Castiel just shrugs with one shoulder and picks at his food. They all sit in uncomfortable silence, even Gabriel not daring to speak until Michael can't take it, "Castiel, if anything happens, it becomes too much, just find Gabe or Balth and tell them to call us and we'll come get you okay? I promise" He smiles towards him and waits for any kind of response. Nothing. He just stares down at his food.

When breakfast is over, Gabriel helps pack up Castiel's backpack, which is patterned like a bee with black straps. Castiel pulls on his trench coat, ignoring the brothers' pleas of, _why don't you wear a normal hoodie? You'll get really hot in that._ Until finally they're all out the door and piled into the car, 35 miles per hour on their way to their new high school.

Castiel is fidgety and rocks his body in an attempt to keep cool; the brothers know they can't do anything at this point so they all sit in an uncomfortable amount of silence until they pull into the drive of the large, offending high school. When they park they sit there a moment taking in the students filing in, taking in everything that has taken them to _this_ moment. Michael feels a swell of pride for Castiel, public school is a big step for him and although he would rather keep his little brother at home to coddle and hold he knows this is important for his growth. "Alright kiddo's, let's get to it yeah?" Michael tries to sound as amiable as possible

Castiel made a thing of holding the straps of his book bag, staring down at Michael's feet as he walks. Michael hopes this day will go without incident, Castiel is used to a specific routine, and divergence from it has shown to be hazardous, he just hopes his younger brother can fall into a pattern here; as they stop at the front counter he looks to see Castiel flapping his hands with his brows furrowed in an unreadable expression. "Hello, Mrs. Harvelle, I believe we spoke on the phone?" Michael says with a parental edge he shouldn't have at this age, the woman brightens up,

"Oh yes! You all must be the Novak's! It's so nice to finally meet you" she smiles warmly in a way that makes the man ache for a mother but he quickly pushes that aside and waits for her to fish out the boys' schedules, she looks over at Castiel, that motherly smile never fading, "And you must be Castiel" Michael can hear Lucifer growl at her singling him out but is thankful he stays at Castiel's side, crooning to him to quell his small noises. "He looks just like you, you must be so proud," She's looking at Michael expectantly and he blinks in surprise until he fully comprehends her words, she thinks he is Castiel's father. "Oh" he lets out a laugh that catches her surprise, "No-no Cassie-Castiel, he's my brother, we're all brothers" her face twinges pink and she mutters an apology and a small smile. "You both just look so much alike" she coos, Michael realizes they do, same black, short hair, (albeit his stays in place), and twilight blue eyes, although, Michael thinks, Castiel's are much brighter. "Well thank you. He is a handsome one" Michael says with a smile looking over at Castiel for only a moment and then back to grab their schedules a dole them out.

Gabriel is reading through Castiel's telling him to wait for him or Balthazar after each class and they will come to escort him to the next. The warning bell, muffled thankfully, rings and signals the eldest Novak's they should leave, "Okay Cassie, we got to go now but we'll be here at the end of the day, it's all going to be okay I promise sweetie" Michael says kneeling down next to Lucifer. They bid their goodbyes with little incident, Castiel makes a little noise as they continue into the hallway, fortunately most of the students are in their classrooms, so the boys find Castiel's locker easily and try to teach Castiel how to work the lock, albeit he doesn't even look up or acknowledge it.

Gabriel takes Castiel's book bag and places the books he won't use in, his hand brushes something soft and he raises his eyebrow pulling out Castiel's small plush bumble bee. It's a tiny, satin felt, with small wings protruding from its back. Its face has two comically large eyes and a small smile. Castiel grabs it from his hands and holds it close to his chest, tucking it under his chin. He's always carried it around since he was young but now, when it could be used as a gab for students, Gabriel finds himself loathe to pull it away. "It's okay to have Bee Castiel, but we have to put him away for class okay?" Gabriel pulls in; Castiel makes a strangled noise and grips the plushy tighter, burying his face in the wings. The two brothers look at each other and then around to make sure they don't have an audience; if they don't hurry they will be extremely late. "Cassie please, Bee will be right in your bag I promise." They finally coax the plush back in the bag and head toward Castiel's History class, Gabriel watches as his hands flap, and he wishes desperately he could make Castiel comfortable enough to stop that before anyone sees, with that thought he feels bile rise in his stomach because _oh my god I'm acting like my little brother is an embarrassment_.

Gabriel guides Castiel into the class, he, thankfully, has stopped flapping his hands but has replaced it with wiggling his fingers in his line of sight, a stim that he uses when he feels out of control. The teacher and the class look up in unison, burning holes in each of the boys. "Ah you must be Castiel" The teacher's eyes fall on Castiel who doesn't respond, just looks down and continues to wiggle his fingers and subtly rock; "Class, this is Castiel Novak. I expect you all to treat him with respect" Mr. Singer, the teacher, ushers Castiel to the middle table by the window as Gabriel waves goodbye.

-x-

Gabriel believes the day is going better than expected that is until lunch comes around. Gabriel picks up Castiel from his fifth period class, which is one with Sam Winchester, so he, Castiel, and Dean make their way to the cafeteria. Gabriel finds himself growing more worried as they near, Castiel has never been in a room with that many people and that much noise before and, knowing the Novak's luck, things are destined to go south. They stop right at the doors, Sam and Dean looking confused as Gabriel turns to Castiel who has returned to flapping his hands in front of him vigorously. The older Novak desperately wishes his younger brother would stop, not for Gabriel's benefit but his own, "Please Cassie, could you stop that when we go in here? I know there are a lot of people but it would help if you didn't" Castiel doesn't listen just makes an upset noise, a noise Gabriel recognizes as _take me out, I don't want to be here._

Gabriel is hungry and stressed, not a good combination for him, he should have told Sam or Dean to take over but he can't help it, trying to get Castiel to stop, _for his own benefit,_ he keeps reiterating. "Please _please_ Castiel stop flapping your hands, just for a little bit, we'll get our lunch and then you can do it all you want" he pleads but his brother just shakes his head, which coupled with his rocking to and fro jars his entire body, he's humming loud, and people are starting to stare. "Cassie please…" He keeps pleading, brokenly until his temper wins, he knows it shouldn't, not in this position, he had so many years of practice, but it's flying out of his mouth before he can even realize what he's saying. "Quiet hands Castiel," his voice taking on a tone all too familiar, "I said _quiet hands"_ he doesn't notice he's holding Castiel arms down at his sides. Doesn't realize what he's doing. Everything the classes he and his brother's took taught them not to do. Everything his mother and father used to do. _Quiet hands, it's_ _the equivalent to duct taping a non-autistic person's mouth shut or preventing a nonspeaking, deaf person from signing, it impairs executive function._ Castiel had been tied to chairs, strapped down, and held in place, and none of it compared to the _fear_ his face conveyed now.

Gabriel drops his hands just as Castiel lets out a shriek, huddling in his large trench coat and backing up against the wall. Gabriel puts a hand over his mouth, "Oh my god, oh _god,_ Castiel, I'm sorry, I'm _so_ sorry" He didn't mean to do that, _no, he_ would rather drive 9 inch nails through his eyes than do _that._ Dean and Sam are looking at him worriedly, and the lunchrooms seems to of froze at the scene. Gabriel rushes over to Castiel, who is curled into fetal position, hands over his eyes and rocking, cries spilling from his lips; when he hears Gabriel approach he flinches back, trying to avoid him. "Castiel I'm so sorry please, I'm sorry" Gabriel practically throws his phone at Sam, "Please Sam, Call Michael!" Dean hurries to Gabriel's side and looks to him in terror, "W-What should we do?" He asks and Gabriel looks at him with wide eyes, "Lucifer is going to _skin_ me alive."

-x-

"What the hell happened? Who did this? I'll _kill_ them!" Lucifer snarls when they finally get Castiel home, which proved to be a near impossible task, though Michael comes from the stairs with a sigh, "He's in bed now" he turns to Gabriel expectantly. The golden haired boy can feel himself tremble and he puts his hands over his face, "It's all my _fault!_ I did a bad thing!" The room falls silent with the revelation; Gabriel had done it. It takes a moment for him to compose himself, _and_ Lucifer going to cool off in the kitchen. "H-he was flapping his hands so hard a-and we were heading to the cafeteria, and I _know_ I should have known he was worried about all the people but I was so hungry and he wouldn't move and I didn't want people to make fun of him or say anything and I kept asking but he just kept shaking his head and flapping his hands and-" he takes a huge gulp, "I grabbed his arms and held them and said quiet hands" at the phrase he breaks down, tears falling down his cheeks, "I-I didn't mean to, I just…" he's silenced by Michael who envelops him in a hug. It takes a good while for him to calm down and when he does he pulls back and looks guiltily up at his older brother, "I wasn't thinking…" Gabriel says and Michael nods, "You're right, you weren't thinking, and that holds consequences" he replies leaning back on the couch and running a hand over his face, they knew the effect that held towards Castiel. "D-Do you think he hates me?" Gabriel asks, avoiding Michael's gaze, but lets out a small sigh as Michael shakes his head, "No. No. I don't think Castiel could ever hate." Gabriel lets out a sigh and avoids the disappointed looks his brothers give him, "I should go apologize" he wonders causing Michael to stiffen, "I-I don't know about that Gabe… I just got him calmed down, he was damn near hysterical …" Gabriel goes to open his mouth but Lucifer speaks up, "I'm going in there any way so. Gabriel. Maybe you can think about what you've done" he says coldly and head to his youngest brother's room.

Gabriel hangs his head feeling a pang in his heart, he's never been on this side of Lucifer, the cold, relentless side. "Just give him some time to cool down Gabe, he didn't mean it" Michael pats Gabriel's back and manages a smile, Gabriel shakes his head, "It's like he doesn't even remember. He used to be Castiel's biggest bully." The room falls silent at that, Michael stiffening more, "Gabe" his voice is a whisper, "Don't bring that up. It was a bad time for all of us. Lucifer tries to redeem himself. He loves Castiel." The honey haired boy knows he shouldn't direct his anger at his eldest brother but he can't help but remember who had been on his side once.


	4. Autistic Cas: The Past

**A/N: Just a quick little glance into Lucifer and Castiel's past. Just so you can get a little idea of what the boys went through. Not a big chapter, but let me know if you want more and I might upload tonight if enough people ask for it!**

 **Warn for mentions of past child abuse and ableist slurs**

* * *

Lucifer was never perfect. Never claimed to be either. But his younger years were definitely one he didn't want to remember. He'd like to say he was brainwashed by his mother and father; the way they had held Castiel down, yelled at him and slapped him around like he was the poster boy for the world's worst child, at least they made him out to be. He would like to blame it on his own ignorance, he didn't know about kids like Castiel, so he just thought Castiel was trying to make them angry.

oOo

" _Castiel, you little idiot, what are you doing?" Lucifer's voice could be glacial cold, even at twelve. Castiel was underneath his little desk, rocking in fetal position. Their mother had just given him a couple slaps to the face, his cheek was tinged red and bruised. There was only a whimper, so Lucifer reached under and pulled him out roughly. "I don't want you around me!"_

 _oOo_

" _I don't want to be in public with him! He's retarded!" Lucifer screams, standing in his spot, arms crossed as Castiel cries in the car. Their mother is pleading for him to get inside; their father is getting angry. Castiel receives the hit._

 _oOo_

Lucifer wipes a tear away, looking over at Castiel, who is fast asleep under his weighted blankets. He wants to forget all the horrible things he ever said to the brother he loves so much. He looks down at sees Castiel has dropped his stuffed Bee, he picks it up, holding it in his hands, touching the worn material, turning it around with a small frown.

oOo

 _Castiel was crying. He had been for hours, locked inside the small room they kept him in near the basement. Lucifer had taken Bee, he didn't know why, just wanted to be mean. He'd grabbed the small thing that Castiel never let go of and threw it outside. It was winter and the snow was piled up to almost their knees. Their parents had not wanted them to go outside but Castiel had thrown a fit and scrambled for it, Lucifer had been laughing at their little brother stumble around in the icy stuff until their mother caught him; needless to say Castiel had been blamed, thrown in his room, without Bee._

" _Maybe if he wasn't so stupid he would have known not to!"_

 _oOo_

Lucifer sniffed and held the bee to his face, swallowing back tears. He slowly remembers when he'd gotten older, and started feeling bad for his little brother, but he hadn't tried to change, he couldn't. Castiel was wrong. Of course that's what he thought until they'd almost lost Castiel on account of their mother…

"I promise Castiel" Lucifer whispers, reaching over to push his bangs back, swallowing back the memories.

"He forgives you, you know" Lucifer looks up, a little startled but relaxes when he sees Michael leaning against the door frame. "I was horrible to him; I _was…_ " He trailed off feeling bile rise in his throat, distracting himself by positioning Bee in Castiel's arms. Michael walks closer, laying a hand on his shoulder, "Stop. Stop Lucifer. You're beating yourself up about things you can't change…the way he acts around you, trust me bro, he forgives you." Lucifer hangs his head glumly, "doesn't mean he should…"

Michael sighs kneeling down next to the sleeping Castiel and pulling his blanket around his shoulders, "Do you think he uh… Do you think he was remembering mother today? That's why he freaked?" Lucifer chewed his lip, his brother had the same idea he had, "Yeah… Yeah I think so" he shudders, "I swear to god if I ever see her again I'll-I'll-" Lucifer starts but Michael's face stops him, it's a mix of remorse, something that shouldn't be there, Lucifer thinks. Michael shakes his head and smiles sadly, "Come on lest we wake him, he'll be asleep for a while." Lucifer nods and clicks off the light, taking one last look at their little brother before walking out quietly.


	5. Autistic Cas: Other People

**A/N: This is a really emotional chapter and if bullying bothers you I'd advise not reading it. Other than that I promise it will get happier. Please leave reviews so I know how it's going.**

* * *

A couple weeks pass without big incident, little things here and there, Castiel having a meltdown or an absence, but mostly he's adjusting to school and trying to stay out of people's way. Michael is thrilled when he receives calls from Castiel's teachers about how well he's doing in his classes.

Gabriel herds Castiel to the cafeteria with Dean talking to him and Sam trying to show Castiel his physics homework when the thick accented drawl makes Castiel tense up, "Look at. It's the little nutjob of Kansas. The most _special_ Novak" Crowley's voice drips like poison, but before Dean and Gabriel can gang up on him he's pulled himself through the crowd and away; For a moment Gabriel is breathless with anger, looking over at Castiel whose eyebrows are knit, lips drawn taut but keeps on moving. He decides Castiel isn't affected by it and they all sit in their normal seats.

Since Dean and Sam have taken up sitting with them so have Dean's other friends, Ash, Jo, and Benny; Castiel seemed uncomfortable at first but now felt a little better.

Castiel pulls out his lunch bag and begins setting up his lunch in the order he usually does, waiting till it's all perfect to bite into his peanut butter and honey sandwich. The others talk loudly and laugh as usual, and Castiel keeps his head down, chewing automatically, even amount of bites and swallowing.

He then remembers his art teacher told him he should show his brother and Dean the drawing he had made so he scrambles inside his bag, staring his Bee for a moment before grabbing out his sketchbook. His movements have caused the table to quiet, they're all curious since Castiel never did anything other than finish his meal. He flips open his book and shoves it towards Gabriel and Dean, looking down in fear. Dean looks at Gabe and grabs it, the whole table shifting to look at it;

There are two older versions of Sam and himself, Dean notices, in the front, their bodies are turned like they're fighting things to the opposite sides, a gun in each of the brothers' hands, like some kind of cool James Bond pose. Dean realizes with a smile that behind the brothers in the drawing is his beloved Impala. To the left of the page beside Sam is Gabriel, but he has massive golden wings and is sporting a lollipop in his hand, legs crossed slightly in a lax stance. Beside Gabriel is Balthazar whose wings are a little smaller but no less extravagant in their grayish hue, he's holding his fingers up in a snapping motion. To the right of the page beside Dean is what looks to be Castiel, wings smaller than the rest and charcoal black. On the trunk of the car Lucifer is perched, his wings giant, beautiful things, flaring out as to protect, yet a menacing dark red. Michael whose wings are almost sparkling white, large and gorgeous is on the hood of the car.

They all take in the flawlessly drawn picture in surprise, "Wow Cas. This is amazing" Gabe finally speaks up as the compliments ensue and Castiel keeps his head down. While the others sit down Gabe and Dean still stare at it and, checking to make sure Castiel isn't looking flip through the other pages. The pictures are mostly of Sam and Dean and Castiel's brother but then they start getting worrisome.

One depicting Castiel on his knees, wings flared out behind him are bloody and mostly torn off to bone, off to the side, what looks like a demon is cutting into his left wing with a sharp object. His mouth is sewn shut and his eyes are facing the sky, an eerie light pouring from them.

The last one makes Gabriel bite his lip. It shows 'angel' Castiel again, curled up on the ground, battered and scared, surrounded by different figures who seem to be shouting at the depicted drawing, only a dark smoke is seeping from their mouths and swirling around Castiel.

They quickly shut the book, hearing Castiel come to, "Sorry Cassie, thanks for showing us" Gabriel says and hands the book back as Castiel places it back in his bag. Gabriel looks at Dean worriedly, poking at his food, "I probably should bring those up to Lucifer…." he whispers to the oldest Winchester who nods. They speak back and forth in hushed voices.

Castiel finishes his food, hearing someone saying his name, he knows who it is, behind him, Crowley and Alastair are saying things in his direction. "Cassie, hey Castiel, don't ignore people it's rude, were you raised in a barn?" Castiel doesn't move, only feels his fingers start to wiggle on their own.

"Hey _nutjob_. Hey over here, how does it feel to be the town freak?" the youngest Novak feels a small whimper tear through his throat, but the others are too engrossed in conversation.

"He's such a retard, no wonder they don't have parents, they'd have to look at his face all the time."

"Why is someone as stupid as him even allowed here?"

"Asstiel."

"Little freak."

"Such a retard."

The entire table ganged in on the insults and Castiel feels the lights become very intense and noises ten times louder. The table he's sitting at finally realize what's happening, listening to Crowley and Alastair egg on everyone else with chants of 'retard' and 'nutjob'. Just as Dean is about to stand someone chucks a sloppy piece of food at him, hitting him on the cheek, it slowly oozes off, he loses it.

A loud scream that makes everyone pause as Castiel feels emotions he doesn't know how to express pile inside of him and wrap around his lungs, suffocating, so he does what he knows helps him in other situations, shrieks out, curling into himself, ears covered and shaking to relieve the intense amount of sensory pressure.

"You fucking dicks! I why don't you say something to me!" Dean growls lunging at Crowley as Gabriel tries to coax Castiel up, motioning for Sam to grab his book bag. Castiel keeps keening loudly, unsure of how to express to Gabriel that he's hurting so badly and he's not sure what to do.

When they finally get Castiel to the empty nurse station, and Dean off of Crowley, Castiel goes mostly quiet save a few small whimpers and hums. He feels the tired feeling, the deep ache in his chest, as Gabriel walks around lividly. Dean offers to take them home after Gabriel calls Michael and he accepts, helping Castiel to the Impala, casting worried glances at the small boy. He knows Castiel is internalizing something, and he knows that means he's going to explode later.

That time came hours after the incident, Castiel had been so distraught when he got home he proceeded to the old sewing machine in the living room, crawling underneath it in a shutdown. Michael stayed in the living room reading his college books, Lucifer in the kitchen cooking a small lunch and the others doing homework.

Michael knows what the bullies had said to Castiel and he _knows_ Castiel understands each and every one of them. He is broken out of his trance as Castiel crawls back out after the longest shutdown ever, but he looks more conflicted and confused, Michael knows he's nuclear. He just doesn't know how bad until Castiel balls his fists at his side and starts to scream angrily, he doesn't know why he does, just that he's feeling so much emotion that he doesn't know how to express or tell the others.

He screams and thrashes, suddenly sailing his fist into the wall, beating it over and over to get the words out that those boys said. Michael yelps when he sees this and runs to grab him as blood starts to trickle down his knuckles. He throws his fists at his face then, hard, pulling his hair.

Michael grabs him from behind, putting his arm around Castiel's body to hold his fists down as the younger boy cries out in frustration and tries to wiggle away. "I know Castiel, let it out. It's okay. It's okay," He tries to soothe but Castiel screams more and frees his hands enough to knock himself in the face a few more times, "Stop. Stop Castiel." Michael holds him in a lock till the boy drops his weight and goes limp, "It's okay. It's okay" Michael says in his hair with tears of his own.

They both sink to the floor, Castiel letting out a low, heart wrenching sob, tears cascading down his face, "it's okay Castiel." Michael repeats like a mantra, squeezing his little brother gently and turning him around, putting Castiel's face in the crook of his neck feeling the young boy fist his hands into his older brother's shirt, clinging desperately. Michael can feel the boy's sobs, deep in his chest, feeling the wetness on his neck but he just holds him tighter, even as his cries get louder. With each sob Michael knows Castiel _knows_ exactly what those boys at school are saying to him. Knows that they hurt the boy worse than they all will ever know. "I know Castiel, I know, it's okay. Shh" He rocks him gently, like when Castiel was just an infant and it makes something inside the eldest Novak break.

Castiel wished he had wings, like the angel he was named after. He wished he had wings that could take him away from all the pain and confusion that seemed to make home in his head.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading! I wanted Castiel's pictures to capture how stuck he feels being out of tune with everyone and the abuse he experienced. Let me know what you think!**


	6. Autistic Cas: Nightmares

**A/N: So these are more like little short stories in one more than a continuing thing, I hope that's okay. I have over 70 pages of it so if you guys want more please let me know.**

 **NOTE: Lucifer and Michael are NOT together they are just brothers. The only reason they share a room is because they don't have a big house and they wanted to give Castiel his own room so hence they share.**

 **WARN: Language**

* * *

" _Don't you listen Castiel? Don't you ever listen to anyone? I can't fucking taking it anymore!" Castiel knew that voice. His father. But that can't be because he was gone and his brothers said he would never let him come back. "Castiel! Listen to me! You fucking retard, listen to me!" A hand flies across his face, making his head rattle. He looks up, seeing the bearded face of his father; his piercing eyes._

" _I can't stand you. I can stand being around someone as stupid as you" he spits out, pushing Castiel back against the wall. Pulling his hand back to strike Castiel again, the boy cowers down…_

Castiel wakes up suddenly, panting heavily. He looks around, only seeing his dim lit room; no father. No pain. Castiel still feels his touch; still remembers so vividly. Castiel lets out a whine, whimpering and pushing his fists into his eyes.

He felt so much, it was overpowering and he was unsure what to do about it.

He stumbles out of the bed, holding Bee in one hand and grabbing his glowing orb nightlight in the other; opening his closet door and nestling inside the small thing, pulling his knees up to his chest and rocking, putting Bee in his lap and holding his nightlight in shaky hands. He doesn't want to wake his brothers because they always work so hard for him.

 _Because you're dumb_

Castiel can hear his father's voice, bowing his head and sobbing onto his knees.

-x-

Michael hears the crying when he's walking to the bathroom, the sniffling and whimpering. Castiel. He feels his heart quicken and runs toward his room; not seeing the glow of his nightlight so turning the light on quickly. "Cassie?" he whispers, looking around, the bed is empty, "Castiel?" Michael calls desperately, stopping and hearing the sniffling near the closet. He walks over, kneeling down and seeing the glow of his orb. "Cas, bud?" He whispers, seeing his little brother curled in a ball, hiding his face. "Hey buddy...what's wrong?" he asks confused and Castiel looks up a tad, his eyes red and puffy, tear filled and look guilty.

Castiel shakes his head, scooting back a little, looking scared. "It's okay sweetheart; did you have a bad dream?" He asks quickly, moving subtly. Castiel nods some. "Are you having trouble falling back asleep?" Castiel lets out a low sound, dropping his light to put his hands over his eyes. "Buddy, hey, don't be upset; I'm here, I'm here."

Michael gulps, taking his hand away from his eyes, seeing his slightly sweaty face, "Don't cry" he wipes the tears away, "Don't be sad, it's okay. No one is mad. Let's go wash up a little, yeah?" Castiel looks up finally, his eyes watery and exhausted looking. He hiccups and lets his brother pull him up and guide him to the bathroom. He sets the boy in the side of the tub while he runs a cloth under water.

Castiel looks halfway out of it, swaying a little and eyes drooping; he's not used to an interrupted routine. "Alright, let's get you a washcloth huh?" He whispers as to not overload Castiel with sound, he kneels down and runs it over his forehead, pushing his hair out of the way and gently dabbing down his face.

He hoped Castiel hadn't been dreaming about their parents and the horrible things they used to say and do, but he knows that's what makes him the most distraught. He can still remember the way their father used to scream, thinking Castiel was ignoring him or the way their mother would shake him, trying to get him to stop crying.

He shakes those memories away and smiles at his little brother, feeling warm pride in his chest for how far he's come, he can't help but think how much time has passed. Just yesterday he was young, still in footie pajamas. Michael sets the cloth aside on the sink and looks to his little brother, who's nodded off against him, his eyes closing and chest evening out in breathing.

He waits a moment before gently shaking him and waking him up, helping him up and ruffling his hair, holding him in a hug for a moment; kissing his head. "Love you so much Cas" he whispers and Castiel squeals a little as Michael pulls away, looking at him. "I love you too" Michael's eyes widen as Castiel's voice pierces the entire room and he lays hand on his. Castiel is looking at him quizzically when Michael's eyes start tearing up.

Castiel rarely spoke, mostly just echoed, but he used this time to communicate his affection for his older brother. Michael smiles, hugging him again, hearing Castiel yawn and realizes he needs to get him to bed. They walk out into the darkened, silent hallway, Castiel clinging to him; "How about you sleep with Luce and me tonight hm? We won't let any nightmares get you" He suggests and Castiel nods greatly, running into his room and grabbing Bee and his weighted blanket. They enter the room silently; hearing Lucifer's snores. Michael helps him up on the bed, letting him snuggle up and puts the blanket over him, kissing his cheek as he closes his eyes and is falling asleep not moments later.

Michael walks over to Lucifer, gently shaking him when he knows Castiel is asleep. Lucifer awakens slowly, grumbling, "Shh, Luce shh, Cassie is in here" Michael whispers and Lucifer's eyes open wide, trying to look; "Is he okay? What happened?" Michael waves his hand, "He's fine! Just a nightmare but I got to tell you something" He sounds giddy so Lucifer waits. "I didn't want to make a big deal in front of Castiel but… he spoke to me, not really an echo too!" Michael whispers ecstatically. Lucifer leans up a moment, his eyes widening, "R-really?" He asks and Michael nods happily.

Lucifer smiles widely, shaking his head, "That's amazing!" He whispers excitedly as Michael shakes his head, smiling. Castiel lets out a small whine of, _stop talking_ , so Michael nods and returns to his side of the bed and climbs under his covers.

-x-

Gabriel doesn't see Castiel in his room so he quickly pads to Michael's and Lucifer's, seeing them all piled in their bed. Castiel is curled slightly against Lucifer's chest, his wild hair in the older boy's face. Michael is face to face with Bee. "I guess we weren't invited" Gabriel says over to Balthazar, who look at each other mischievously. Gabriel and Balthazar surge forward climbing on the bed, rustling the other boys.

"Forget about us?!" Gabriel fake whines, lightly punching Michael who wakes up groggily and swats at him. "Go 'way Gabe" He mutters but Balth pulls the covers off of him, rustling Lucifer who in turn jabs him with his foot. Castiel is rustled and just lets out a groggy whine, blinking his eyes open and looking at his obnoxious brothers grumpily.

"Cassie's way of saying fuck you" Gabriel snorts to Balthazar, before rubbing his arm after being punched by Michael, "Language!" Gabriel rolls his eyes, smiling to a curious looking Castiel, "Not words you need to know!" He informs as Lucifer cracks up.

Gabriel turns his face just in time as a yellow and black object is chucked at it, smacking him square in the face. He looks over bewilderingly at Castiel, who's laughing. "Did you just throw your Bee at me?" Gabriel muses as Castiel wrinkles his nose up, bowing his head and, giggling more. "OH this means war! Angel-on-angel violence!" Gabriel fake battle cries, chucking the plush thing back a little softer, missing Castiel.

Castiel squeals out, hiding by Lucifer, grabbing his arm and putting it around him. "Sorry Gabe, Castiel has chosen me as a shield, and as you know I have the biggest wings thus of a higher patriarchy. There's no defending yourself!" He explains, shrugging until Michael speaks up, "Nuh uh! _I_ have the biggest wings, I'm the archangel Michael! Hello, God's warrior! _Who is God like?_ " He explains, hearing Castiel laugh. Gabriel breaks in, "hellllllo I'm the friggin messenger, okay? Literally _Might of God!"_ He huffs, "I was the most important." Balthazar laughs, "I'm not sure you all remember, I am royalty, _God protects the King,_ that would constitute me having the biggest wings!" He sticks his tongue out at them all. "Yes but I was the most revered; _The Light Bearer"_ Lucifer cuts in before Michael pushes his head a little, "Yeah but you lost your rights to the wings!" He rolls his eyes and Lucifer laughs, making his fingers look like horns against his head, mimicking a demon.

Castiel makes a small noise and Michael grabs him quickly, letting him sit on his lap, "But let us not forget" He pretends to present Castiel, " _The Shield of God."_ Michael refers to Castiel, smiling. Castiel laughs brightly; clapping his hands. "I think we can all agree here Castiel's wings were probably the most badass, being black and all from saving the Righteous Man from hell" Lucifer states as Castiel giggles again and hides his face against Michael's chest.

"Castiel said my wings are gold," Gabriel says smugly, referring to Castiel's drawings; "Fool's gold most likely" Balthazar rolls his eyes and they all laugh.

* * *

 **A/N: The boys are talking about the meanings of their names according to the bible, I don't know if they're entirely true but I got it from a photo on pinterest if you'd like to see. thanks for reading! I love brotherly love, I always wanted the angels as Novak's as close as the Winchesters. So forgive me if thats not your thing.**


	7. Autistic Cas: Save Me

**A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing. Dean makes more of an apperence coming up and throughout, i think i'll make this eventual destiel cause i love destiel but i love brotherly bonds too.**

 **WARNS: Language, Past Suicide Attempt.**

* * *

Dean watches Castiel as he meticulously stares at the art supplies in front of him, squinting his eyes, reading each label, the utmost concern he has trying to find what he needs is endearing to Dean and he finds a smile on his face. Gabriel and Sam are behind them arguing over which 'paint-by-numbers' is better looking, Dean is turning to spy on both of them when he sees the group of girls a little way down the aisle.

He watches them for a moment, they look like high school students, they're all huddled around each other giggling like idiots and staring; but it's only when one of the girls lifts a finger and points that Dean finds it in himself to follow their line of sight, his eyes landing on Castiel. He tries to swallow the lump in his throat as he watches Castiel, oblivious to the real world, rocking on his feet a tad, his right arm in front of him with wiggling fingers. He lets out a low noise, and the girls clamor in laughter again; and it's clear to Dean, their making Castiel the butt of their jokes. He tries to ignore it, going next to Castiel and asking him about certain things despite the boy looking a bit irritated by being interrupted.

" _Look at the boy next to him. Do you think that's his caregiver? He's so cute, I wonder what he's doing with someone like that"_

Dean makes it a thing of smiling brightly at Castiel, brushing his shoulder and pointing towards things, to look more like a friend. The girl whispers something and the others laugh. Castiel seems to understand Dean is getting upset because his face is creased in a frown and shakes a little harder.

" _Why don't you go ask him out? I dare you! I triple dare you!" "No! That's gross! I'd probably have to change his diapers"_

The laughter is louder, more deafening, and Castiel seems to pick up that too, looking more than a little annoyed. Dean is shaking in anger but, he knows he can't do anything.

" _Someone go talk to him, see if the other guy will. Maybe if we are nice to his freak he'll talk to us"_

Dean can't take it anymore, gritting his teeth as Castiel grabs for a pack of acrylic paints, he clears his throat so the girls look up at him, he smiles at Castiel, closing the space between him, "Hey, you wanna get those? How about we get out of here and catch a bite at the Roadhouse, that would be the end to the perfect _date"_ He says it purposefully loud that even Gabriel, who quickly realizes what's happening and smirks, can hear.

Castiel smiles a tad, it's a sideways ' _I don't know what you're talking about but count me in_ ' smile and it makes Dean beam more. He makes a show of, holding his hand out so Castiel will hook his pinky over Dean's pointer finger like they usually do, he then, stunning everyone, reaches out a kisses Castiel mop of hair affectionately pulling them forward. Dean swears Castiel goes red with blush. Dean walks past the girls, throwing them a condescending smile.

-x-

Dean watches Castiel adoringly as he happily sips his milkshake, until Gabriel snaps him out of it, "You better stop making goo eyes at my little brother or Lucifer is going to skin you" he smirks knowingly as Dean blushes, "Oh like you have any room to talk" Dean says looking at Sam to Gabriel; their turn to blush.

Dean sighs as Castiel pokes the sesame seeds on his bun off and then takes a bite, "Those girls…" Dean says in a low voice to Gabriel who falters slightly. "Yeah…" He works a French fry through his shake and munches on it, "I wish I could say it's a rare occurrence but…" Dean feels how upset Gabriel is, because nothing about it is rare. People like Castiel are targets. Big targets. "But hey...Kansas has shown promise. There's been so… so much worse" he tries to smile looking over at his little brother who is giggling at something Sam is doing.

"It just sucks" Dean drops his chin into his hand and sighs, Gabriel smiles sadly, "Other schools were worse Dean. There was one guy… ugh… Benny. He was the star of the football team, lured Castiel in, falsely made him believe they were friends. But then him and his friends ganged up on him one day. There was a giant pond outside the school, Castiel and I would eat out there but one day I was holed up in detention, so Benny went out there with Castiel, him and his goons, and lead Castiel over to the pond. It was frozen over because it was the middle of December, the coldest one yet. So Benny, after his teammates had urged him on, told Castiel if he walked on top of the frozen pond he would 'get something special' or some shit like that. So Castiel believed him, walking out there but then those fucking psychopaths started throwing rocks at him. Then the ice started to crack, Castiel couldn't get off in time and it gave way underneath him. The guys just laughed as he tried to get out, choking and drowning essentially…" Gabriel's eyes are glistening and look far off, "It's lucky the Novak's are so in tune to each other's distress call because Balthazar heard his screams and jumped in after him. Benny and the guys ran after that, Castiel was hurt pretty bad and borderline hypothermia, so it was pretty touch and go for a while."

Gabriel nibbled on his lip as Dean felt anger bubble up in his chest, "God…" Was all he could say. Gabriel looked up, "That wasn't the end though. Then it really started, they followed Castiel home, threw water balloons at him. They'd ambush him and throw things at him whenever they could. In the lunchroom Benny lured him to their table only to smack his tray in his face. They'd steal his books or homework. Cassie was so depressed by the end of it… his grades were slipping, he cried and threw fits every day. It was like his body was shutting down, until one day he…" Gabriel breathes hard motioning to Castiel's scarred wrists… "How…?" Gabriel is clenching his fists and shaking, "I was the one who found him…"

 _Castiel had been in the bath a while ago and Gabriel found himself getting a little agitated. He had to piss, and Castiel was probably messing around. He went to the door, knocking, "Cassie, hurry man I gotta pee!" There was no sound. No splashing or giggle or even grunt of disapproval. "Cassie?" He knocked again. Nothing. Reaching for the doorknob he heard the small sound of pain. Faint but there. He pushed the door with his shoulder, jiggling the knob. He never locked the door before. "Castiel? Castiel! Dammit! Someone!" He heaved his chest in and slammed his shoulder enough to break the lock. He surged in, a cry spilling from his lips as he fell to his knees with an anguished howl. Castiel sport a long red slash up his wrist, which hung over the side of the tub, the water a daunting red color. "Castiel! No! No!" He screamed as Lucifer rushed in first, "What is i- oh my fucking god" he screamed running forward grabbing Castiel in his arms lifting him from the tub, hugging his body tight, "Oh god, Oh Castiel, Oh god" He rocked the limp body screaming at Michael to call the ambulance. He bunched him to his chest, wrapping towels over his arms, petting his hair, screaming anguished cries into Castiel's soaked hair. "Don't you dare leave us Castiel, Don't you dare!" He sobbed, taking in the blue tint of his lips and the slowing heart rate. "Please Please oh Please God. Don't please!"_

Gabriel shuddered at the memory, swallowing hard. "It was the first time I saw Lucifer pray" He says weakly, looking over at Castiel who finished his burger, giggling as Sam tries to wipe a streak of mustard from his face but keeps missing.

Gabriel shakes his head, "The school in Arizona was just as bad, these kids took videos of Castiel's, you know movements" He flapped his hand to inform Dean, "And would post them online. We got the courts involved with that one though and it was taken down. But people would push him over, smack him around too; I just never understood why. Castiel never spoke and he was always so kind, literally look at him he's adorable, but they just saw someone vulnerable and small and they crushed him. Going to the principle never helped it was more of them saying 'Castiel is different and that bothers the students, so he brings it on himself'. And most of the time Castiel wasn't sure how to tell us what was even going on" Dean furrows his brow not understanding, "Castiel has always had a problem with communicating feelings and just in general, he doesn't talk too much, although he's speaking more now there's a lot he doesn't understand. I mean there's a lot of things we think autistic people don't understand when in reality they do, and it hurts just as badly. It doesn't help that he heard most of the words from father anyway…" Gabriel babbles, stopping to smile as Castiel looks at him, tilting his head in confusion. Castiel makes a small noise of sadness, he can tell Gabriel is sad. "Hey, hey none of that Cassie, I'm okay see" he smiles, "happy."

Castiel doesn't look convinced but the waitress comes over to the table with a smile, "Boy did you finish that entire shake? For a little skinny thing you sure can eat" She jokes with Castiel who smiles at the empty thing and then laughs a little. The waitress smiles back and sets another chocolate shake in front of him, he looks at it with wide eyes, "That's on the house. Enjoy" she smiles as Castiel makes a noise of excitement in the back of his throat and digs in. She pats smiles once more and walks back to the bar.

Gabriel smiles at his brother, "People like that make it easier."


	8. Autistic Cas: Not Again

**A/N: So I realize I have a lot of plot holes in this story and I need to address them so while I'm writing that here's a little angst chapter. I've read a lot about autism and suicide rates and it blows my mind. It breaks my heart. And I wanted to incorporate it in this.**

 **Warn: language**

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Castiel is sitting against his bed, searching through his binder excitedly to show Michael the drawing he'd been working on for months. He made an annoyed noise when he couldn't find it, grabbing notebooks and stuff out of his bag. After a moment something torn slight drifts out and catches the boys eye, he looks over and sees the drawing. It was finished. He was ready to give it to his brother and everything. Castiel cries out, looking at the large block letters, splayed across the paper.

 _retard_

It's deliberately been torn, Castiel can see the finger depressions where the tear is. He keens, low and painful throwing the ruined drawing he'd spent so much time on down, getting up and throwing his notebooks and binders against the wall, crying out. He feels his hands shake in an overwhelming emotion; like he can't control himself. He tries to process it but he can't so he just pushes his nightstand over and throws his books down. He throws everything his hands come in contact with, crying out despondently.

 _retard. retard. retard._

Castiel groans angrily, why couldn't he just be like everyone else? _Why_? He scratches red lines down his face; not sure what else to do; pulling at his hair, his head a swirl of emotions he couldn't understand.

Castiel throws his chest aside, spilling his art supplies everywhere, stopping only a moment when an old razor falls out. One he'd kept just in case. It tumbles forward and glints in the sun; Castiel scoops it up, holding it in his hand, squeezing his palm around it. He walks over and kneels in the corner, his face pressed against the wall as he lets out a scream.

Michael frantically knocks at the door; getting it open after pushing hard, a pile of things blocking the way. He looks over to see Castiel, screaming and beating at the wall. His room is cluttered with papers and random things he's thrown around.

Michael calls out to him, unsure of what's wrong. Everything had been so fine. "Castiel, love, what's wrong?" He starts forward, hearing Castiel sob louder. He advances slowly, like he's approaching a wild animal, kneeling down as to not seem as frightening.

He carefully turns Castiel around, seeing blood run down his hand, "What happened? What?" He grabs his hand, but Castiel won't unfurl it. "Did you hurt your hand, let me look" He has to pry at his finger and finally they come loose, he stops cold when he sees the metallic object in his hand.

"C-Castiel. Give me that right now" Michael's voice tightens, hiding tears. Castiel drops the thing in his hand, still sobbing, pulling at his hair with the other hand. Michael throws the thing aside and holds Castiel close, squeezing so he feels pressure, holding his arms down so he doesn't hurt himself anymore. Castiel struggles against the hold, screaming and crying.

Michael looks down at the paper close to Castiel's feet, turning his head slightly and seeing it. It was the drawing he'd been working on since god knows when for them. His heart ached when he saw the defacement of it.

Castiel screams and throws his fists as Michael's chest, trying to get away, but Michael just holds him and whispers into his hair.

Castiel still struggles so Michael reaches into his pocket, loathe to use this way but no able to calm his brother. He usually grabs it when Castiel is upset but he's never used it. He uncaps the liquid and puts it towards Castiel's lips, tipping his head back a bit, "It's okay, this will make you sleepy and it will make you feel better okay?" He whispers, stroking his face.

Castiel has no choice but to swallow the liquid, whimpering with new found resignation, "I'm so sorry." Michael cries, holding his little brother tighter and rocking him. The medicine works quickly, Castiel's eyes droop and he's out quickly. Michael sits there a moment, looking at all the clutter, at the picture, at his brother.

There's nothing he can do.

All he can remember is slashed wrists, blood, Lucifer's screams. _He might not make it._

Where had Castiel gotten a razor anyhow?

He brings Castiel to the living room when he's okay enough to walk. Laying him down on a pillow and placing his blanket on him. He already has his phone in his hand.

"Hello?" Lucifer answers and Michael doesn't wait, "I need you home Luce… I-I need you here" He says, almost sobbing. Lucifer is suddenly hyperaware, "Is everything okay? Mike calm down, I'm coming. What's wrong?" He tries. "I-I don't know Luce. I don't know what to do"

"Okay settle down, is Cas okay?" Michael tries to hold it together, "I don't _know_ Luce! He's sleeping now, but I just don't know."

He can hear his twin frantically gathering his stuff and heading out to his car, loathe to hang up but biding his brother a goodbye and an urgent plea to _please be quick._

Lucifer arrives faster than Michael expected, flying through the door, seeing Castiel. He looks down at Michael who is sitting on the floor beside Castiel; his twin turns a bottle to face him. "Sedative?" Lucifer says apprehensively, moving closer slightly. Michael holds his hand out, motioning for Luce to hold his out, he does. Michael drops the object in his hand. Lucifer takes a moment to process what he's looking at. A _razor._

"What is…-" he chokes up, "Did Castiel…-"

Michael stands, his eyes puffy, "He was holding it. I heard him screaming so loud…" He reaches over and grabs the defaced picture and shows it to his brother. "He was working on this for us for so long." Lucifer looks at the picture; the red lettered insult vibrant. "I've never heard him scream so loud. He tore up his room and... he was just so upset Luce you have no idea!" Michael starts to cry and his twin pulls him in a hug. "He was so excited to give it to us Luce," Michael mourns. "I-I don't know how he got this razor...I don't know what he was planning on doing with it, he was squeezing it in his hand...but…" Michael groans and puts his face in his hands; "I-I don't know what to do! he's hurting and we can't do anything about it!" Lucifer leans down and grabs his face, "Mike settle down; stop, breathe" he coaxes, kneeling down and hugging his brother, "We'll get through this."

"We got this."

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